My Niche

I’m enamored with all facets of the entertainment business. Could I possibly be a celebrity chef? Movie or TV star? Singer/dancer/songwriter? Radio personality? Stand-up comic? Great novelist? Producer or director? GQ fashion model? Broadway performer? Can I make it in Vegas? The circus? Maybe I can be a voiceover for a cartoon character (yep, I do voices too). Heck, I’m down for donning a furry suit again and playing a Muppet. I’ll do commercials. I’m diverse. I’d love to do a variety of things like my idol, Mr. Dean Martin. I’d make a great game show host or maybe even a Goomba Ryan Seacrest! Plenty of possibilities…Or should I say FUGHEDDABOUTIT to all of the above, and just get a job as a bank teller? I don’t think that could happen, I’m real bad with numbers. My acting resume isn’t sparkling, but Johnny Boy has had a lot of adventures. I caught “the bug,” as they say, when I first started dressing up as costumed characters for All-Star Entertainment in North Bergen, way back in the day. I haven’t co-starred with Joe Pesci like Ralph Macchio did for any “My Cousin Vinny” sequel just yet. Still a chance. People used to say I looked like Macchio a bit in my younger days, and then later I was constantly told I’d be a dead ringer for a “Sopranos” cast member. When that particular HBO program was popular, I was chosen to speak on the panel of “Sally Jessy Raphael” to talk about all the hype as an aspiring actor and Jersey Italian-American (the highest rated Sally ever, look it up). In 2002, among about ten-thousand others, I auditioned for Henry Bronchtein, one of the Soprano producers at Harrison High School’s open casting call. I was lucky enough to go to Satin Dolls and meet the whole cast and be part of a scene as a non-speaking extra in episode 48 of their fourth season. Cool, huh? But to date, my actual acting work has been mostly in independent films, and to be honest, my favorite times were when I was a guest DJ on my pal Tony Mangia’s Italian-American independent radio show. That’s where I was always just being myself, and able to talk about my passions. I recently wrote about the “I-TABANAR” (Identifiable-Through-A-Birthplace-A-Nationality-And-Religion) which is me, and how if and when I make it in show-biz, I want it to be on my terms and by just being who I am. I know, I talk a lot and write a lot, but am I being paid millions like the big-shots for it? Not yet. Fast forward to a couple of years ago…I appeared in a background scene of “Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares” on FOX when an episode was shot at my friend Joe’s restaurant, Campania in Fair Lawn. Around the same time, I also was in a scene at The White Manna in Hackensack after writing to The Food Network suggesting Guy Fieri visit there for “Diners, Drive-ins and Dives.” I’ll always remember Ramsay and Fieri as both being unbelievably cool guys—super down to earth, despite their rock star celebrity chef status. Those kinds of food shows are always gonna be big (look at the recent success of “Cake Boss” on TLC), and of course “American Idol” and all those sing/dance-offs will be around forever. Bottom line is, this reality style programming is hugely popular—no matter what the genre. Some of these shows are absolutely terrible and unwatchable, some I’ll take or leave, and then a few here and there are pretty interesting to me—especially when there is a New Jersey/Italian angle. What will the next big thing be? Will I be a part of it, but as a main player in the game this time? I’ve been on the cusp for a long time now, so close to stardom I can taste it. It’s something I’ve been searching for and trying to get for the past ten years now, and I’ve wanted to be a somebody since I could start talking. It takes a lot of patience and a lot of trial and error—but this stuff is all done with an eye on some payoff in the end. But when does one come to the conclusion to no longer pursue a dream, and to accept being a nine to five guy? I’ve given myself deadlines before, and now with a baby of my own on the way and birthday #29 almost here, it’s time to take my shot. The New Year has provided me a few brief cups of coffee of notoriety—but are my fifteen minutes of fame over, or just beginning? January and February brought this paisan quite a bit of newspaper and website exposure by my participation in the big “Guido Colloquium” in New York, and with my well-documented pursuits of my journey to create a real “Cugine” show to counter the other side of the “Jersey Shore” youth culture. In March, I co-hosted the “Buck Wild At Corrado’s” segment with reporter, Alicia Vitarelli on News 12. And St. Patty’s Weekend will bring the highly publicized gravy & meatball event at Chef Central with author, Lorraine Ranalli. Beyond that, there may be something else, even bigger on the spring horizon. Throughout all the guido madness, I found an ad online casting for another reality show seeking “under-30 engaged couples in New Jersey.” The ad said nothing having to do with New Jersey Italians or any real details. But, I’m always exploring opportunities, so I filled out the application. Shortly after, I got a phone call and was told that my application “greatly excited” the producers of the program, and I was immediately invited for an interview. I was intrigued, and already thinking about what shirt I was planning to wear. During that initial phone conversation, I also was told that the original format was already being altered from when I sent in my application. It was explained that this was now going to be specifically, a “New Jersey Italian-American” focused show. The new production team was going to be the same team that produced “Jersey Shore,” and they’d be probably airing it on the same cable network. The enthusiastic voice on the other line was familiar with who I was, and actually knew my whole back story. It was starting to make sense why this guy was so enamored with me. It came as no surprise that he worked side by side with the guy who interviewed me last May when I auditioned for “Jersey Shore.” I was getting flashbacks. This was basically the same story I heard back then when I was told that the original premise for “Shore” was being changed. (As I said on many occasions, that aforementioned show was supposed to be a REAL character-focused drama with human elements and dignity, and not the so-far-from reality, staged, overly-dramatic Jerry Springer-fied series it turned out to be.) Hmm…did this mean that I was setting myself up to be a part of some kind of “Shore” style clone, and be forced to act like some over the top caricature? I then thought to myself, even if that’s ultimately what they ask for, should I do it anyway? Would that make me a sell-out, or should I simply concede that this is truly the reality of making it in on TV, and the door I just have to open to finally grasp that stardom? No matter what, I had to at least meet with the casting directors. I found out some more details as our conversation progressed. The information I got was that this would NOT be the type of show where I’d be hanging out with a bunch of wild, single kids and be expected to act crazy and party in every episode. The reason for that was simple. While this show is definitely going to be an MTV style project and not a PBS one, it is going to be a “family show.” And here’s why: it’s going to be a show about young New Jersey Italian-American girls and guys planning to get married, and all their daily interactions with their friends and family during that critical youth-to-adulthood period. Gee, that sounded like a familiar idea that I’ve been talking about for a TV show! MTV president, Tony DiSanto never wrote back to the letter I sent him about my TV show pitch, and no one from the network responded to my youtube video or reached out to me. But now they wanted to meet me based on an application I sent in to talk about a show that the “Jersey Shore” producers were creating? Anyway…this all takes us back to Sunday, the 28th of February…

Me and my beautiful, (22 weeks pregnant) fiancée, who surprisingly didn’t need any real prompting from me to join in on the fun, headed across the GWB—and fittingly over the 495 Expressway—to Long Island’s spectacular New Hyde Park Inn, for our big meeting with the Hollywood heavyweights. That kind of support I felt when she agreed to be a part of this dream cannot be expressed in words. I can’t reveal any more right now, but I can say, Megin and I both had a great experience. We were a team once again, and we certainly made an impression. Nobody knows if the ideas discussed for this show will be changed again, or if we’ll be asked to become something we’re not, to still be a part of it. Then there’s of course, the editing process—what will the final product be—and will we have any control over it? Will UNICO approve or will they be out calling for a boycott? What they (and the audience in general), is led to believe is that cameras are simply rolling and that what we see is all just coincidentally the most extreme moments in perfect continuity. That’s not the case at all. Unless you are watching an independent documentary shot with one single camera rolling, let’s say, a show on the day in the life of a goldfish—where that’s just filmed in its raw glory—a reality show is truly a creation of meticulously produced programming with unknown stars. My future bride and I did make a pact that if this were to all pan out, that we wouldn’t do anything that either of us didn’t feel comfortable with. I’m not going to hook-up with any other chicks or get into a bar fight, and I’d hope she wouldn’t either. If that’s what this turns into, we’ll both pass on becoming the next Pauly D. and Snookie, even if that means settling for nothing more than minor internet celebrity status (if that even means anything). Do I have star quality and enough talent to take me off of facebook and onto the screen? Here’s the big question we asked ourselves: If we did it, we both knew we’d have to ham things up at times (as I said before, that’s just the nature of “reality” TV), but we both aren’t going to turn into total gavones. That’s the big “balance” thing that has that very thin line people that do this stuff are often encouraged to cross. The fact is, we are getting married and starting a family either way—and doing it in the true Italian-American Jersey style. If that process is televised and ends up being our “Star Search” vehicle to fame and fortune, great. If not, I’m still gonna feel like a rich man, just like I do now. I have my life partner. That’s something I take very seriously, and I’m very fortunate, considering I never thought I’d be tying the knot again or ever having children of my own after an unsuccessful previous marriage and subsequent divorce. Our wedding will be the ultimate event, and I’m very excited to plan it, and not just because it could potentially be on national television. Our song is going to be Survivor’s “The Search Is Over,” and I got my fingers tightly crossed that my search to find my niche in life is also over. I want to be a strong provider for my family, because we can no longer just “live on a prayer”—especially with a baby on board. I’ve been working non-stop since I was sixteen, doing every kind of occupation one can imagine. But I haven’t yet found that true niche—something I can call a career and feel secure with. The job market out there is tough, and that aint no joke. I’ve probably applied for hundreds of positions since last January, but I’ve had barely enough interviews to count on one hand. Most of the stuff online and in the paper are scams or low-paying, and it’s quite sad that the state of our economy is in such a mess. I really have been trying, but it’s also difficult to find something local and that pays more than what I get from unemployment—especially since I have no college diploma. Collecting wore out its fun long ago, but I can’t settle for something that would not be beneficial to me and my family—and my own personal sanity. It’s been over a year since I got laid off from Dale & Thomas Popcorn, and I really dread the idea of going back to corporate America. I’ve been trying to get a job as a cook—my big passion in life—and I’ve been doing my best with trying to get by on Bonnie & Clyde catering jobs—but there just haven’t been enough gigs. Someday, I will own my own restaurant. Mark my words. Of course, the family olive oil business is always there for me, but I just feel like I gotta make it on my own. My other big passion is story-telling, people say I got what it takes as a writer, and I truly want to make a living at it with a weekly column somewhere. Anywhere. You all know I had a weekly column for about four months at an online paper (which I will not plug here), but what most people don’t know is that 90% of those columns were altered by my former egocentric editor to suit his own needs, and I was often manipulated into writing about things that fit into his advertising agenda. I was also being controlled with who else I collaborated with in regards to other writing projects and even acting endeavors. It’s funny how I was published many times before that (and many times after) on various websites and newspapers, but never once were any of my words rewritten. I love sharing my Cugine Corner facebook stories with everyone, and maintaining control over what I do. And any auditions I ever went on that led to things, or didn’t lead to things, were done by my own dedication and hard-work—and never with an agent or manager. I’ve been writing so much in the past year, enough to definitely publish a book, but the thing is, one needs a certain level of notoriety to make money with it. I’m just not there yet. Maybe this TV show will catapult me to that publicity. I know once I achieve that, I will have a much better shot at getting my forum to express myself and get paid to do it. I’ll always be an actor and a writer at heart, even if I never make a full-time living out of it. And just like Sinatra said, I’m doing it my way, because I won’t compromise my morals or be used. But more importantly, I’ll always be a family man and that same regular goomba from the neighborhood. I’ll update this at the end of the summer—hopefully from the perspective of flourishing success. No matter what, I’m a survivor and I’m gonna make it. At something. That’s a guarantee.

Stereotypes

So I like to occasionally hit up Club Rise and pump my fist on the dancefloor. Does that make me a disgrace of a human being or a disgrace to Italian-Americans? Get to know me, I'm a good guy. And that's why I don't hate on the "Jersey Shore" kids, because they are Guidos and so am I, they just happen to be hedonistic Guidos (or at least that's how the show made them out to be). And I know that Guidoism doesn't only equal extreme hedonism or egoism. I don’t like fellow Italian-Americans telling me how to live my life as an Italian-American. To use an analogy, I’m a Roman-Catholic but I object to being told by a fellow Church member if I miss mass on Sunday that I’m going to hell. I do the best I can to live my life each and every day and to be a good person in a Christian manner—in the ways I was taught and in the ways I see fit. If I miss mass it doesn’t mean I am committing murder. I can also have different views from time to time on certain political issues while still remaining faithful to my registered party of choice—and that does not make me a fake member. People who try and dictate one’s behavior are doing so because they feel insecure about themselves. And to put down the Guido without understanding it, is wrong on the part of UNICO and all these “holier-than-thou” activists out there because we do exist, and we ARE a real subculture of Italian-Americans. Guidos evolve and move out of mama’s house, get careers and start their own families, but still never forget their roots. That’s why I use the word evolve and not reform, because I’ll always be the same proud Jersey Paisan and if I am lucky enough to have a full head of hair when I’m forty, I’ll still spike it up with gel. As a writer, actor and a proud Italian-American under the age of thirty—born and raised in New Jersey—I would like to speak about “Jersey Shore,” the entertainment business and the Guido stereotype. I auditioned for “Jersey Shore” by responding to a casting call asking for “Italian-Americans in their element” when it was being promoted as a totally different (more family-oriented docudrama) type of show by MTV’s sister network, VH-1. I am also a caterer, and my hope was to be the resident cook of the house, and add some genuine Italian-American practices into the mix. As I went along in the audition process, it became clear that the concept was being drastically reformatted as I was told by the producers that to make it I’d have to showcase more of me partying, as opposed to making meatballs and other elements of my Italian-American daily lifestyle—the latter being what I personally considered being a Guido to be all about, but apparently no longer the angle they wanted to focus on. Upon watching “Jersey Shore,” it became confirmed that the drinking, hooking-up and other crazy stuff is what was encouraged to be accentuated most—and what the show’s producers ultimately linked together as being the main characteristics of Guido life. As the season panned out, I watched closely to see whether or not redeemable qualities or an evolution occurred for them, but such moments were few and far between. I do agree with the cast member’s stance that their particular (admitted alcohol-induced) behavior during the summer months at the Seaside beach house shows just a small sampling of their lives, and only defines themselves and does not define ALL Italian-Americans. But they were portrayed in a way that made it look like that was their entire reason for being. Again, I’ll say though, I’m not here to point the finger or call for the show’s boycott, I just do my own thing each day. See, we’ll never really know whether it was MTV’s idea to make “Jersey Shore” in the way it was made or if they were given an ultimatum to either shake up and “Jerry Springer-ize” the format by 495 Productions (the creators) or risk losing the rights to air it. Either way, the direction of the show admittedly was completely changed according to Tony DiSanto (president of MTV) in his interview with The Hollywood Reporter. On January 21st, I explained all this as the co-speaker of the much publicized, “Jersey Shore/Guido Colloquium” at the Calandra Institute at Queens College in New York. I certainly stood out among all the scholars and professors at that event, but that was the point. Like Joe Pesci’s character in “My Cousin Vinny,” my focus was to show that one can have a certain “look” or a way of speaking while still being smart and having goals. A Guido can have a real job and have a steady girlfriend/wife, and lead a wholesome existence. Just because you wear a leather jacket and a gold necklace doesn’t mean you are a violent, drunk individual. The protestors need to learn how to separate a “style” from a lifestyle by getting to know a real Guido (and all of what they truly represent) and not automatically insulting them. One stereotype of using hair gel does not automatically equal another stereotype of being a womanizer or someone looking to pick a fight. A stereotype is a characterizing quality, shared practice and style—among a multitude of factors—used to describe a group of people. All such factors are clearly known within the group and serve as a way for one to easily identify themselves with other members, and distinguish themselves from another group. Beyond that, each member of whatever particular group to which you are referring has their own personal traits, feelings and behaviors—whether that’s displayed privately or outwardly within the group setting. The point I’m making is that, any individual who shares linking traits towards one social class of people also has other defining attributes, which may not always be at the forefront of that groups’ general activities. Based on this, they cannot be judged in a positive or negative manner solely by their membership in the group. Any logical person should know that that is the only way another human being should be properly perceived. None of us are robots or Xerox copies, we all have human elements, and that should always be understood before anyone points the finger. Negative backlash and hostile tension occurs only as a result of someone’s lack of understanding, or a misconception of the group as a whole. This is done by an individual outside of that particular stereotyped group (who in turn is ironically part of their own stereotyped group) who only focuses on one bad apple of the bunch, or focuses on one negative aspect of the group—and let’s face it—no group is flawless or perfect. When one passes judgment in this manner, they are labeling an entire group as “bad,” and turning all stereotypes into pejoratives. See on their own, a stereotype (unless blatantly harmful) cannot be automatically negative. Some are harmful; some are playful but most are pretty accurate and not detrimental in any way. But when any of them are taken out of context, or when one particular negative stereotype is continually perpetuated—it gives the entire group a bad name. It then only adds fuel to the judgmental individuals who spend their own lives disparaging an entire group that’s unlike their own because of a fixation on the one particular aspect. One must look at all of the stereotypical traits to achieve the proper balanced conclusions, while taking every individual’s personal characteristics into consideration and exploring that person’s other side as well. If you take in the scope of everything I’ve just explained, again I’ll say, stereotypes cannot automatically be bad things—unless a group has only bad characteristics and qualities—or the groups’ sole purpose is to cause harm. And in that case, you are no longer talking about the issue of a stereotype, you are simply dealing with a bad group of people, which you can ignore or attempt to reform. We still however, should be extra cautious in our classifications of what’s bad for society—the socially accepted “norm” is often a matter of opinion or personal taste—and this is displayed daily in conservative vs. liberal political battles. The moderate voice in the middle is not heard enough—because the battles (or, the drama) is what entertains the mass audience. Overall though, if a person trying to achieve fame and fortune can’t have a sense of humor and also be self-deprecating at times, the fact is, you aint gonna make it to the top. You just have to watch the fine line of crossing over into complete stupidity if you still want to be respected. Perhaps the Guidos and Guidettes on “Jersey Shore” need some reforming, as we’ve mostly seen shallow and extreme behavior from them on the show. Or, perhaps MTV had their own agenda on how they chose to showcase the Guido by using careful editing, combined with their powers of suggestion (with the dangling carrot of fame and fortune) and manipulated the participants and the final product of the program. I personally believe the latter. As New York Senator Savino explained at the Calandra Institute colloquium from the perspective of someone who grew up in the Guido world, the idea of being one was never a pejorative. MTV has reclaimed this 30+ year old word and it is now mostly thought of as a negative thing because of the nine “Jersey Shore” episodes who may or may not have featured real Guidos, but clearly featured individuals referring to themselves as such—and MTV has exploited every scene of their alcohol-fueled reckless behavior and redefined that as typical Guido behavior. The place where this word and group originated should have been the ones to reclaim it, and that’s what I am attempting to do by producing my own television project about this subculture. By the pretentious elite making it their primary effort to pretend such a group never existed or simply accept MTV’s definition of it is wrong. I applaud all the efforts of the higher-cultured Italian-Americans and all they do in presenting sophisticated and proper depictions of Italian-Americans. But calling for boycotts of depictions that are not up to their standards does not help their own cause—this is akin to an extreme conservative calling for a muzzle on members of the far left. While there are clearly going to be differences of opinions on what’s right and wrong, it is vital that each side be allowed to express their own beliefs, and if necessary, exchange civil conversations to learn about such differences—never angry debates or childish name-calling. The Guido was always the representation of the moderate voice, or the average Joe that did not identify with highbrow or trailer park. The Guido/Goomba/Cugine subculture originally emerged over thirty years ago to define the working class, East Coast Italian-American, who had a particular ethnic look as a child or grandchild of immigrants, but was proud of that fact. It was a complete 360 in the way earlier generations were encouraged to tone down some of their ethnic characteristics or even change their last names. That’s why the display of the Italian flags are so prominent in this bunch—as a way to really accentuate the fact. There are countless “You may be Italian If…” e-mail forwards on the internet, but they are really referring to this particular lot. Other unifying traits emerged as well, from a meticulous attention to detail with regards to one’s hair to certain styles of dress, whether that’s Fila jogging suits or “Tony Manero”-inspired shirts with gold jewelry, and a preference to drive muscle cars or Cadillacs. These are all tributes to Italy’s rich fashion history and dedication to one’s appearance. Although not exactly the same, the idea is that the Iroc-Z is the American Italian’s Lamborghini, and the shared pride is there. There was always “roots to the boot” within this subculture, and again those who can’t relate, automatically label the Guido’s personal perceptions of what’s “keeping the heritage alive” as being fake or wrong. Saying “pro-shoot” or “capeesh” is not a bastardization of prosciutto and capice (such implies it has no authentication), but this type of slang is its own dialect in itself. Italian-American culture is a hybrid of European-Italian culture, and the way one chooses to live their lives shouldn’t impact someone else or create inferiority complexes. Any effort to keep an homage to the past should be applauded, even if it’s not in a formal manner. Look, a lot of this stuff may seem superficial and silly, but at the heart of it all, a true Cugine’s life revolves around family and respect and keeping those heritage-linked ideals alive with pride. A Cugine is a proud American, but a proud American of Italian heritage. He’ll love baseball, but he’ll take an extra interest in Mike Piazza—because he’s a fellow Paisan. Movies like “Rocky” are so appealing because of that same level of relatability. Just like back in the day, you rooted for Joe D. The “Brooklyn Blow-out” Travolta styled in “Saturday Night Fever” has evolved into a blowout with a spiking of the hair using gel. Dancing like “Tony Manero” did to disco is now fist-pumping to techno music. See this is the only stuff that has changed, and it’s not changed into bad things. It’s when someone takes it to the extreme (think Pauly D. of “Jersey Shore” tattooing Cadillac onto his body or proclaiming it takes 25 minutes to style his hair.) I don’t take 25 minutes, and I achieve the same look. When these things are elevated to the extreme or when they become the most important things in life as opposed to just PARTS of the Guido life, or when having fun at a club turns into a drunken fist-fight, the person turns into a caricature of themselves and is never taken seriously. Somewhere along the line, little by little all these practices were taken to those levels and the Italian aspects became replaced by other ideals, and that’s never been more evident than with “Jersey Shore” and the idea that a daily routine of “Gym-Tanning-Laundry” is what it’s all about. Meeting friends for espresso at a soccer club, grabbing a slice of pizza, playing some bocce ball or going to San Gennaro or any kind of saint-inspired feast are just a few activities that highlight this lifestyle along with macaroni at Nonna’s on Sunday afternoons and huge holiday extravaganzas with food, wine, cigars, and just lots and lots of emotions and expression. As each one of the light-hearted but true listings on those “You May Be Italian If…” e-mails became replaced with non-Italian things, and even worse, descriptions like: penchant for violence, low IQ level, reckless promiscuity, daily drunkenness and other similar nonsense, everything got turned upside down. This all needs to be cleared up now for the next generation, and I’m the young Cugine with the old-school mentality who knows the real deal. The gap needs to be bridged between the extremists on both sides, and this can only be done with civil discussions like the event in New York that I was lucky enough to be a part of. But I will repeat, that was only a start. The next step is getting my story out there, and I’m trying to do that every day as an entertainer. My “North Jersey Cugines” show that I am trying to produce will appeal to everyone. I’m not highbrow, but I’m not a buffoon either.

Guido Colloquium

Participating in the “Guido Colloquium” was a very exciting event—indeed it was quite a situation. Speeches were given, followed by a Q&A discussion where I talked about the popular “Jersey Shore” show and what exactly this guido stuff is all about. From the day I was invited, I wondered, why me? What makes me so special? I guess if you put yourself out there enough, people start to notice, and I certainly got noticed from the moment I sat in my chair and grabbed that microphone. I was surrounded by scholars and professors at the Calandra Institute in New York, but even though I was pretty nervous, I actually never felt out of my element. I made a lot of contacts and I think strides were made in clearing up some misconceptions about a lot of subjects—but this was only a start. I am grateful for the opportunity and thank everyone who invited me and attended, as well as all of you out there who watched it live online. I tried to handle myself as best as I could and really get the message out there that although I’m not a professor myself, I’m not a buffoon either. I think I can convey a message without being over-the-top and turning myself into a caricature. I did interviews for newspapers, posed for photos, and just spoke from the heart and kept it real. And the plan here is to continue to put myself out there so that I can be a part of more events like this, and expand my audience through all media outlets possible. I may not be Harvard-educated, but I have no insecurities with who I am or how I plan to become a success in this world. And when I do make it big, I’ll never forget my roots. I love Italian-Americana. I think this is pretty clear in the stuff I write about and the way I conduct myself on a daily basis always trying to incorporate the green, white and red somehow into each day—in my own way. Friends and family know I wanna be an entertainer full-time and make my own mark. Call me a guido if you want, I don’t take offense because I know guidoism doesn’t equal extreme egoism or reckless hedonism. It’s unfortunate that a bunch of “activists” think this way and in turn feel the need to belittle all of us as if we all aren’t up to their level of “sophistication.” I tried to bridge that gap on my trip to New York. And I want to continue to showcase what I’m saying—on the screen. But here’s the thing…if a person trying to achieve fame and fortune can’t have a sense of humor and also be self-deprecating at times, the fact is, you aint gonna make it to the top. That means you can still be a good person even if you occasionally act a bit crazy—especially if you’re young—but it’s unfair to make that the final and only defining factor. Everyone knows by now that I auditioned for “Jersey Shore,” and was among the finalists to get on the show. I was hoping to add some depth to the house and spin the experience into bigger things. The kids who made it were the definition of over-the-top (they’ll even admit it), but they are all now spinning the experience into bigger and better things, and fame and fortune is calling them. Buona Fortuna to Vinny and the rest. My day will come, and in the meantime, my whole world is a stage and this cugine is gonna do it his way. As I said in my i-Italy Op-Ed piece and also at the colloquium, reality shows like “Shore” are meant to play up the most dramatic and crazy moments—and the “cast members” were encouraged to ham it up for the camera. (Keep in mind, most who go on reality shows are aspiring entertainers.) No one really knows if their lives at home are consumed with what we’ve seen from this small sampling of a few months in a beach house. Let’s be honest, what else other than carefree fun and silliness would occur there? The show profiled hedonistic experiences of guidos, not the entire lifestyle. And within each of those housemate’s worlds, they have their own lives and their own complexities just like every other person. I thought we may have perhaps seen some more of that on the show to balance things out. Maybe then there would have been less haters, or it could have at least given more insight on East Coast Italian-American youth ideals. There were a few episodes with genuine family moments but overall, it’s a fact that the shock TV stuff is what brings in the most ratings. As the season panned out, I watched closely to see whether or not redeemable qualities or an evolution occurred for them. We’ll have to see what projects Pauly D and the gang do from here, or we’ll just have to wait and see what season two brings on that front. They aren’t going away though. I’ve been trying to break into the biz for a long time, and I’ve had my cups of coffee here and there. In March of 2000, I made my TV debut on Sally Jessy Raphael as a stage guest to talk about the “Sopranos” craze and was lucky enough to meet the cast and do a scene as a non-speaking extra in season four a few years later. In October of 2005, I co-hosted the public access show, “The Independent Variety Showcaze” for an olive oil segment. Besides doing a few background scenes on “Kitchen Nightmares” and “Diners, Drive-ins & Dives,” I haven’t had much recent exposure. Every experience was a blast and I’ll never forget any of them, but now is my time to really shine and show the ways of the Jersey goomba. And the representation will show pride and respect. So here’s my pitch to all the head honchos at HBO, PBS, RAI, MTV (if you dare), and anyone else out there who wants to really dig deep into all the complicated aspects of this breed of individuals, flaws and all. I need my forum—a regular program, mini-series or even a docudrama to bring balance and to display how one can evolve as a guido. This will be classy, funny, educational and entertaining and highlight the origins of this popular species from the ‘70s, all the way to present day. I have so many ideas and so much to bring to the table. And it isn’t going to be all about hair gel. Sure, there would be things covered like hair styles, tanning, grooming habits, dancing, fitness (not with the use of steroids), and the speech patterns and other stereotypes, but if you read CUGINE CORNER faithfully, and were a fan of my other online column, there’s so much more I would love to share. Basically we’re talking about my writing coming alive, my life on film. I’m ready to team up with anyone out there who is on the same page as I am, and get this thing off the ground. If I have to, I’ll put it on public access or youtube with my own handheld camera. The bottom line is, this type of reality show needs to be made. See, I want to explore and detail the actual reasons as to why these certain characteristics and traits of a particular car choice are agreed upon by the majority of the young cugine. All from the perspective of a cugine from the neighborhood. Will such a concept get the ratings and be a success without mafia tie-ins or exaggerated drama? I’d say yes to that, because yours truly would bring humor and excitement to all kinds of things… Everything from music, wine, cigars, coffee, jewelry, cars, bocce, olive oil, religion, holiday traditions, comparisons on such practices and traditions and how they vary from places like Brooklyn to South Philly, profiles on real goomba entertainers past and present (Pat Cooper, Tony Danza, etc.), as well as politicians and athletes. And of course, FOOD. This stuff has really not been explored in detail by anyone my age—and I think this would get a huge crossover audience, besides just the target under-30 working class East Coast viewer. If Mike “The Situation” can have mass appeal, I think I can too, even though I don’t have quite the abs. More than anything else, I think this would be a unifying step in the right direction for all Americans of Italian descent, from the highest scholar to the average Joe—just as this colloquium was. John Travolta did an amazing job with his “Tony Manero” role in 1977, but it’s time to dig deeper into the life of the young cugine, and update things for 2010. There’s so much more than just “Jersey Shore.” And just as Nik Cohn’s New York Magazine story, “Tribal Rites of the New Saturday Night,” led to the creation of “Fever,” hopefully my writings can lead to a whole new exploration of this world.

A New Plant In The Garden State

Corzine is pretty proud of himself for his final "accomplishment" before leaving office in legalizing medical marijuana. This is a travesty, and here's why...

Every other commercial on TV now is some advertisement from a pharmaceutical company, urging you to “ask your doctor,” about whatever drug they are pushing at the moment. Your average American with any particular medical ailment is not the same as a convenience store customer debating whether they should purchase Pepsi or Coke. In other words, only medical professionals obviously have a high level of background on the subject, yet these TV ads treat a drug like a can of soda. Yes, we should all do our research, but we shouldn’t be the ones suggesting to our physicians what prescriptions they should write us based solely on the information in some skewed ad we see while watching “American Idol.” These ads confuse people—there’s a reason not all meds are over-the-counter, and no thirty second description can give one the knowledge that someone in the healthcare profession has spent years studying. What’s worse is that these billion dollar drug companies have arrangements with medical offices and hold great influence over doctors—changing the manner in which they conduct their profession. They alter the field into nothing more than a cold corporation—and not a practice of providing health care. New Jersey has passed the bill to allow legalization of medical marijuana, so we may soon see ads now directing you to ask your doctor about this new “medicine.” The language of this bill is very broad, and Senator Madden (D-Gloucester), rightly argues that this “could replicate the kinds of abuses seen in San Diego and Los Angeles, where some doctors are giving marijuana essentially for every ailment they could think of—from premenstrual syndrome, attention deficit disorder and schizophrenia.” People argue one should have the right to “die with dignity,” what about living with dignity? Will it be the drug companies, the doctors or the patients who determine the level of one’s justification for obtaining pot? What about the fakers that just want to get high, who no doubt will easily be able to get their scripts? What about the doctors who choose to not write these prescriptions? Are they going to be hit with some ridiculous “discrimination” lawsuits? What’s even worse here is that we aren’t talking about pills containing marijuana ingredients—one would be allowed to actually legally get plants from “compassion centers” to grow in their home back yards right next to those Jersey tomatoes. Are members of the N.J. Senate so naïve that they actually think this is a safe and wholesome idea for households? “Barbecue at the Smith family this weekend, can’t wait to see how the garden is coming along!” Puffing on weed is now going to be socially acceptable in New Jersey and not a crime? What’s next, the legalization of heroin? Cocaine? Don’t laugh, we may see this stuff on TV in a few years. Maybe “Intervention” can sponsor? This is not a joke by any means. I can guarantee this is going to not only be a disaster, but it’s going to lead to more disasters. There is no way to properly regulate a recreational drug’s use so that it is only obtained and used in extreme cases of terminal patients—but even then it still should not be a justifiable option if you ask me. The bottom line though is that the government is not here to regulate such things anyway, especially at the expense of state taxpayers. Is “Obama Care” going to add in some new measure where I’d have to be forced to actually contribute money to fund these “compassion centers,” or be fined? This whole thing is sickening to me, no pun intended. However, I’m not going to smoke pot to try and feel better about it.

Setting THE RECORD Straight

I am no longer writing my “Here’s Johnny” column for The Cliffview Pilot. It was a good run, and I enjoyed it very much. My former editor at The Cliffview, Jerry DeMarco, seemed like a good guy, but he’s very lost and confused right now. For awhile there, he was supportive of me and my goals, however, he showed his true colors as being a complete control freak. It got to the point where he felt that I was supposed to consult him if I decided to use the bathroom, and if I didn’t, I was considered a “backstabber.” What happened was, I had a telephone conversation with Bill Ervolino, columnist for The Record, and he took that as somehow me being disloyal to him since I didn’t ask his permission before Bill and I chatted. Jerry wrote all kinds of nasty things on his facebook page about me and wrote a horrific, lies-filled blog on his “Borough 6” site. (I wrote back to that blog in an attempt to defend myself from his mean-spirited remarks, however he did not have the guts to post my response there.) I still feel compelled to give my side of the story—it’s just really not cool to have your name dragged through the mud. Below is my response to his blog titled, “I knew it was you all along, Fredo”

Allow me to clear up a few things here...
Bill Ervolino and I have been talking for years, long before I ever hooked up with Mr. DeMarco. I didn’t realize two adults needed permission from a third party to speak to one another—especially about a topic that the third party has nothing to do with. I’ve been a longtime reader of The Record and Bill’s column, despite Jerry’s disapproval of me reading such a “lame, boring, directionless publication.” I guess I blame that on my ignorance. That being said, I understand Mr. DeMarco was “shit-canned” from The Record and there are obvious bad feelings there. Yes, I was a columnist at The Cliffview Pilot so there could have been a direct conflict of interest if I was going around outwardly promoting the fact that I liked The Record (or trying to write for them.) I know it’s Jerry’s goal in life to stick it to The Record by trying to be the first to publish breaking stories. That all being said, I could understand Jerry being a little upset if Bill and I were collaborating on some breaking story for The Record behind Jerry’s back. But the fact is, Bill and I were talking about “Jersey Shore” and Guido life (stuff I personally have a lot of insight and interest in) for a column Bill was writing. Big deal. Jerry even acknowledged (in his own “sour grapes” way) the fact that this was not an act of us sneakily trying to get some “you read it here first” article before him with the second line in his opening rant: “Leave it to The Record to be weeks behind the curve.” Here’s the thing though…I was not OWNED by Jerry DeMarco or The Cliffview Pilot. If I wanted to write a column for The Record, that’s my right and I didn’t need his permission or approval. Jerry is a control freak and expects his UNPAID columnists (who promote his site, help him find advertisers and work for him for free) to be his puppets. Because I knew how bitter Jerry was over his departure from The Record, I courteously—as a friend—told him that I had spoken to Bill Ervolino. I did not want Jerry to think I was trying to ditch The Cliffview for his archrivals (even though, as I said, that is my right even if I wanted to do that.) Yet I guess in Jerry’s mind, that’s what was going on. Funny how that was so far from reality. The kicker in all of this is that Bill’s column has not even been written or published yet. Jerry just somehow assumed that if my name appeared in Bill’s story that The Cliffview would not be mentioned. So instead of waiting to see, he completely flipped out and spewed insult after insult on facebook and now on this (Borough 6) site. I’m sure he ruined any chances of his site being mentioned now, and Lord knows he could have used the exposure. Jerry is lucky I haven’t filed a lawsuit for defamation of character. I did nothing wrong here and have been loyal to him from day one. I deserve a public apology. Jerry is so worried about being hurt that he wants to be the one to preemptively hurt others. And he seems to like to slander his own people. This is the second time he has lost a columnist. If he doesn’t start treating people with respect he will have no more columnists, and eventually no more site. Jealousy and insecurity are not good qualities and when you exhibit them time after time, you will find yourself completely alone, with no colleagues or friends. Maybe he can find what he is looking for at Starbucks.

http://borough6.wordpress.com/2009/12/18/i-knew-it-was-you-all-along-fredo/

"Slippery Slope" Defined

No matter how you cut it, adding the word gay in front of the word marriage is redefining the entire essence of what marriage has always been (a legal union between a man and a woman). Therefore, since “gay marriage” would differ so greatly from traditional marriage as we know it (as it only would apply to same-sex couples), broadening the definition would then be creating an offshoot (or, a “division” of marriage) reserved for this particular minority group. That not only minimalizes marriage’s original meaning, it opens the door to a whole host of other such expansions of this union. It’s irrelevant whether you believe in the cultural, religious or legal reasoning for only recognizing marriage in the sense that our society has always defined it as. Because the fact is, for all those reasons (and many others), that’s what the institution of marriage has always been. If there is a total approval and acceptance of gay marriage, could that one day lead to the same for “beastiality marriage” (marrying animals)? Could it someday expand into everyone being granted the right to a “polygamous marriage” (having multiple spouses)? Could it lead to an open acceptance of “intrafamilial marriages” (incest)? Of course, those may be extreme thoughts, but up until recent times, the idea of marriage between members of the same-sex was an equally unbelievable thought. By going by this conservative “slippery slope” theory, we are protecting ourselves from all of those other possible changes, which liberal groups will petition are simply just “progressive” advances in our society. For one to follow this theory it is not defining them as “anti-gay.” Whether one approves of a gay lifestyle or not is not the issue. I say, consenting adults can do what they want in the bedroom—but it should end there. People have sex with animals and their cousins too, however do we want those who practice that lifestyle to also be treated as no different than a man and woman having sex in wedlock? We all are entitled to our beliefs, but when a lifestyle or belief is in the extreme minority and a public spectacle is made for the purposes of having the government deem such as “equal” (when it is a completely altered transformation of a long-standing fundamental concept), that is unconstitutional. It’s just like the mentality of legalizing marijuana. When does that turn into the legalization of cocaine? Heroin? Why should we ever “play with fire”? Take euthanasia. If it is ok now in cases of terminally ill patients, soon enough it will be ok in patients who are not terminally ill but who are just in pain and no longer want to live. From there one would claim they have the “right to die” if they have any slight discomfort or if they have depression. Is that not suicide? Do we want to rename it something one day and make it into a socially acceptable thing? Are those that assist in the process going to be called “health advocates” and “pioneers” and not what they truly are—murderers? That is so not the principles of what the United States is all about.

As each generation invents multiple, broader definitions of centuries-old institutions, less and less values are upheld and more and more once unheard of possibilities become realities we all must be forced to accept—thus creating total anarchy. Where will any lines be drawn, and where will any standards of living be respected?

"Accomplishment" Defined

I began writing food and humor columns for THE CLIFFVIEW PILOT online newspaper in September. Since then I've had 20 articles published on the site. I'm not sure how long this adventure will last, but I've enjoyed every single minute of it. I'm very happy with this accomplishment!

12.6, YOU CAN FOOL SOME OF THE PEOPLE...
http://www.cliffviewpilot.com/good-life/heres-johnny/816-johnny-decarlo-you-can-fool-some-of-the-people-but-not-this-goombah

11.28, THE REAL GUIDO
http://www.cliffviewpilot.com/good-life/heres-johnny/783-johnny-decarlo-the-real-guido

11.25, THE DINING OUCH! GUIDE
http://www.cliffviewpilot.com/good-life/heres-johnny/772-johnny-decarlo-the-dining-ouch-guide

11.21, MAKE IT TOMATO SEASON YEAR ROUND
http://www.cliffviewpilot.com/good-life/heres-johnny/761-heres-johnny-make-it-tomato-season-all-year-round

11.19, EAT THIS...AND THIS...AND THIS
http://www.cliffviewpilot.com/good-life/heres-johnny/750-heres-johnny-eat-this-and-this-and-this

11.11, HOT STOVE LEAGUE: YO LORRAINE!!!!
http://www.cliffviewpilot.com/good-life/heres-johnny../710-hot-stove-league-yo-lorraine

11.7, THE RISE OF JOHNNY DISCO
http://www.cliffviewpilot.com/good-life/heres-johnny/695-the-rise-of-johnny-disco

11.3, TOOLS OF IGNORANCE
http://www.cliffviewpilot.com/good-life/heres-johnny/680-heres-johnny-tools-of-ignorance

10.26, YOU CAN’T WATCH THE YANKEES WITHOUT THIS
http://www.cliffviewpilot.com/good-life/heres-johnny/652-heres-johnny-you-cant-watch-the-yankees-without-this

10.25, TRICK OR YIKES!
http://www.cliffviewpilot.com/good-life/heres-johnny/665-johnny-decarlo-wearing-something-scary-for-halloween-trick-or-treaters-who-come-to-door

10.17, NATURE BOY
http://www.cliffviewpilot.com/good-life/heres-johnny/614-heres-johnny-nature-boy

10.9, YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO COOK IF YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO SHOP
http://www.cliffviewpilot.com/good-life/heres-johnny../585-heres-johnny-you-dont-know-how-to-cook-if-you-dont-know-how-to-shop

10.5, COMFORT FOOD LIKE NONNA USED TO MAKE
http://www.cliffviewpilot.com/good-life/heres-johnny./561-heres-johnny-comfort-food-like-nonna-used-to-make

9.28, ARRIVEDERCI, MY LITTLE BICHON
http://www.cliffviewpilot.com/good-life/heres-johnny/539-heres-johnny-arrivederci-my-little-bichon

9.23, HELP! I’M IN BINGO HELL
http://www.cliffviewpilot.com/good-life/heres-johnny/511-heres-johnny-help-im-in-bingo-hell

9.20, THE MAGICAL MYSTERY OF THE FABULOUS FINOOK
http://www.cliffviewpilot.com/good-life/heres-johnny/496-heres-johnny-the-magical-mystery-of-finook

9.14, THE LAWN DOCTOR IS OUT
http://www.cliffviewpilot.com/good-life/heres-johnny/455-heres-johnny-the-lawn-doctor-is-out

9.11, AUTUMN AND APPLES
http://www.cliffviewpilot.com/good-life/heres-johnny/445-heres-johnny-autumn-and-apples

9.8, PRAISE THE LORD AND PASS THE ZEPPOLE
http://www.cliffviewpilot.com/good-life/heres-johnny../428-heres-johnny-praise-the-lord-and-pass-the-zeppole

9.1, DEBUT COLUMN: SALUD TO LABOR (OF LOVE) DAY
http://www.cliffviewpilot.com/good-life/heres-johnny?start=20